mIx FEELINGSZ

SOO ITS BEEN LONG TIME SINCE I WROTE IN MY BLOG MORE LIKE MY DIARY. SOO TODAY IM GOING TO TALK ABOPOUT ALOTMIX FEELINGS I HAVE IN OR ON MY MIND.
MY SON TY WELL WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT HIM I MISS HIM SOO MUCH SOME DAYS I THINK TO MY SELF DID I DO RIGHT THING GIVE HIM TO A A GOOD FAMILY OR DID I DO NOT GOOD JOB . I MEAN EVERYBODY HAVE DIFFERENT OPINION RIGHT>>? TRUE , BUT MY OPINION I KNOW I DID RIGHT THING BUT SAME TIME I JUST DARN MISS HIM I DONT KNOW MAYBE IS BECAUSE IM JUST GOING THROUGH A LOT IN LIFE OR MAYBE I HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT OR HAVE ALOT ON MY MIND. I DON'T KNOW FOR AS TODAY I JUST WANT EVERYTHING GO BACK THE WAY IT USE TO BE. I WISHED I JUST HAVE DIFFERENT PATH YOU KNOW GOD WISHED HE WOULD GAVED ME DIFFERENT PATH THEN IM GOING NOW IM SORRY TO SAY BUT THATS MY FEELINGS AS FOR TODAY OKAY WHO EVER READING THIS.

WHAT ABOUT GUYS??? THEY MEAN NOT EVERYBODY BUT MOSTLY ARE ALL THEY JUST WANT FOUR THINGS IN LIFE IS MONEY SEX BJ OR NAKED PICTURE.
WHERE IS A GOOD GUY ?? I KNOW YOU GOING TO TELL ME LOOK AT CHURCH THERE IS PLANTY OF THEM BUT I DONT KNOW I JUST SERIOSELY DONT KNOW BECAUSE CHURCH GUYS THEY JUST A LOT DIFFERENT . MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL CHANGE MY MIND AND SAY OKAY I WANT THIS BUT NOT NOW I DONT LIKE SOME GUYS BECAUSE OF MY PAST AND NO BODY REALLY UNDERSTAND ME THEY THINK IM JUST PREJITUCE OR RASESD BUT IM NOT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I BEEN THROUGH . IM SCARED TO HAVE SOME TYPE BOYS BECAUSE IM SCARED THEY WILL DO SOMETHING BAD TO ME. BUT NO I KNOW DEEP DOWN THEY WONT DO NOTHING WRONG TO ME BUT LIKE I SAID IM JUST TERRIFIED AND SCARED HAVING THEM.
I HAVE BIG DREAMS AND AS FOR RIGHT NOW IM REALLY CONFUSED GIRL. I WANT TO MARRY SOME DAY YOU KNOW HAVE WONDERFUL WEDDING BUT THEN I CHANGE MY MY MIND SAY NO I NEVER EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED. I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW I WANT A LOT.
I WANT TO SUCCEED YOU KNOW AND ITS FINAL AND FIRST THING I WANT TO DO IN MY LIFE. I WANT MY DREAMS COME TRUE. I WANT TO HAVE HAPPY LIFE AND I DONT WANT TO BE EMOTIONAL I HATE WHEN PEOPLE CONTROL ME AND TELL ME WHAT KIND PERSON I AM STOP. I HATE HOW GUYS PLAY WITH OUR EMOTIONS AND I HATE WHEN I HELP PEOPLE OUT BUT WHEN I NEED HELP THEY JUST DONT WANT TO HELP .I WANT TO MOVE AWAY FAR AWAY ON EAST SIDE YOU KNOW LIKE NEW YORK OR BOSTON OR MICHIGAN OR CHICAGO OR ATL OR MIAMI OR MARYLAND I WANT TO GO THERE TIRED BEING ON THIS SIDE I WANT TO GO WITH MY JOURNEY AND JUST WHAT EVER COMES ON MY WAY IL TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT OR GO OVER IT. IM SAD THAT I HAVENT FINISHED SCHOOL IM SAD THAT I HAVENT ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I WANT REALY WNAT IN MY LIFE IM SAD THAT PEOPLE IS SOO MUCH DIFFERENT HERE THEN IN SOME PLACES. PLEASE DONT ASK ME OKAY JUST READ IT AND DONT ASKME WHY BECAUSEI CANT EXPLAIN TO YOU IT WILL COME DIFFERENT WAYS. IM SAD AND MISS A LOT MY BEST FRIEND JESSICA AND YESANIA AND ASIA AND BRICE AND MY OTHER HALF FAMILY AND PEOPLE FROM SCHOOL AND I MISS AND BIG TIME REGRET IT THAT I LEFT SCHOOL AND TRYED TO DO IT ON LINE WISHED I CAN JUST FINISHED IT AND BE HAPPY BUTNO I CANT BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. IM SAD BECAUSE I DONT KNOW TO MUCH TO SAY IM SAD AND JUST WANT TO CRY BECAUSE I HAD A LOT IN MY PAST AND ITS PRESENCE AND PRESENCE SUCKS.
I DO THANK MY MOM AND MY FAMILY HERE THEY ARE BIG HELP AND THEY HAVE PATIENT IN ME THANK YOU AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING ME WHEN I NEED YOU. IM THANKFUL FOR SOME PEOPLE NOT GOING TO SAY WHO. IM GRATEFUL FOR CHURCH IM GRATEFUL FOR THAT IM ALIVE RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANT DO WHAT I WANT TO DO YES I LOVE YOUR HELP AND PLEASE DONT STOP.
IM SAD BECAUSE YES I DO WANT ALOT FRIENDS LIKE I HAD IN ARIZONA AND YES ARIZONA IS NOT PERFECT AND NOT ALOT FRIENDS ARE WERE GOD PEOPLE TO ME BUT STILL I LOVE IT. I MISS MY SPORT SCROSSCOUNTRY MISS MY 12TH GRADE MISS MY COACH MISS ARIZONA JUST IN GENERAL. I WANT TO GO BACK THERE AND YOU KNOW BUT THEN I DONT KNOW IF I WANT TO GO BACK.

I KNOW I LIED ABOUT MY SON THAT I HAVE HIM AND STILL AM TELLING PEOPLE FROM THIS DAY THAT I HAVE HIM AND IM SORRY FOR LYING BUT YOU GUYS DONT GET PEOPLE WELL YOU KNOW HOW SOME PEOPLE WILL ASK YOU SO MUCH QUESTION AND YES THEY WIL UNDERSTAND YOU IN THE END BUT THERE IS SOME PEOPLE THAT I WILL NEVER CANT EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY I DI THAT OR WHY IM DOING WHAT IM DOING NOW. IM SORRY I KNOW ALOT OF YOU SAY THIS" IF THEY DONT GET YOUR WORDS AND YOURE FEELINGS THEN THEY NOT YOUR REAL FRIENDS BUT" BUT IM GOING TO SAY THIS NO I KNOW I DONT WANT THEM KEEP TELLING ME THIS ALL MY LIFE THIS AND BE NAGETIVE TORSE ME SOO THATS WHY BECAUSE I HONESTLY WONT TAKE IT. CAL ME LIER AND CALL ME IM A BAD PERSON BUT ITS MY FEELINGS ITS MY WORDS ITS MY LIFE ITS ME AND MYSELF.

ITS FUNNY TOO HOW WE GIRLS HAVE THIS BIG IMAGINATION YOU KNOW ABOUT OUR PERFECT GUY WELL MINE IS I HAVE ALOT IMINATIONS WHAT I WANT MY PERFECT GUY TO BE OR WHAT I WANT TO BE IN FUTURE HOW I WANT TO OUR FAMILY TO BE AND MY CAREER AND YOU KNOW A LOT TO SAY BUT REALITY ITS SO MUCH MORE YOU KNOW ITS HARD FIND PERFECT GUY BECAUSE YOU KNOW NO BODY IS PERFECT AND YOU KNOW OUR LIFE ISNT PERFECT TOO SOO I DONT KNOW WHY I HAVE THAT KIND IMAGINATION. AND YOU KNOW SERIOUSELY AS FOR NOW I DONT KNOW IF IM REALLY GOOD TO BE IN RELATIONMSHIP I THINK I CHANGE A LOT I WANT HIM AND THEN I DONT I DONT KNOW AND THEY PEOPLE SAY YOU WILL FIND PERFECT GUY BUT I ALWAYS THINK IN MY MIND THAT I DONT THINK DO AS YOU KNOW IM NOT GOOD BE IN RELATIONSHIP BUT THEN YES I KNOW. I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW I KNOW I WANT TO SUCCEED AND FIND ME A PERFECT GUY THE ONE I WANT OR THE ONE GOD WILL PICK UP TO ME.

THEN I THINK WHAT WIL HAPPEND IN TWO YEARS .......... YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEND TO ME IN TWO YEARS????
IM MAD HURT AND JELOUSE AND SAD AND BETRAID AND UPSET THATS ALL MY FEELINGS TODAY LAST NIGHT OR LAST WEEK.
IM HAPPY TO BECAUSE MY SON IS IN A GOOD HANDS BUT THEN IM SCARED WHAT IF MY COUPLES WILL CHANGE THEIR MIND AND BE LIKE GOOD BUY YOU WILL NEVER EVER SE HIM AGAIN EXCEPT PICTURES BUT ITS WOULD BE HARD FOR ME. IM SORRY IM NOT STRONG WHEN IT COMES TYO MY SON I GAVED BIRTH TOO IM HAPPY THAT HE IS IN GOOD HANDS BUT THEN I DONT EVER EVER WANT TO LOOSE CONTACT WITH HIM. DO YOU THINK IM SELFFISH YES YOU PROBABLY THINK THAT AND ITS OKAY PLEASE ITS YOUR OPINION ONCE AGAIN BUT ITS ME SOO I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME RIGHT NOW OF ME AND MY SON AND WHAT I THINK.

HATE MY PARENTS IN RUSSIA THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR GIVING ME THIS STUPID PROBLEM I WIL NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU GUYS DONE FOR ME I WIL SAY ONE THIHNG I WILL FORGIVE YOU BUT NEVER FORGET. I HATE THAT I HAVE GARDIANSHIP TOO DONT GET ME WRONG THANK YOU FOR KEEPING AND HELPING ME TO BE GOOD GUY. I DONT KNOW IM MAD SORRY IM ALWAYS GOING TO BE MAD BECAUSE I HAVE THIS STUPID PAPER.
I LOVE THAT I GET MONEY FROM GOVERNMENT BUT THEN I HATE IT WHAT THEY THIHNK OF ME AND YOU ALL SAY NO WE DONT THINK THAT YOU HAVE THIS WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO NAME IT AND YOU SAY THAT ITS JUST GOVERNMENT THINGS THAT BUT FOR SOME REASON I CAN SEE IN A LOT OF PEOPLE IM NOT GOING TO SAY WHO AND PLEASE DONT ASK ME AGAIN I KNOW YOU ALL THINK IM RETARTED AND I KNOW YOU GUYS THINK IM NEVER WILL SUCCEED. I KNOW A LOT YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT ME WHAT KIND PERSON I AM. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TEL ME I CANT DEFEND MY SELF I CAN I JUST DONT LIKE DRAMA.
I HATE THAT MY OWN BROTHER IS SMARTER THEN ME AND CAN BE WHAT EVER HE WANTS TO BE BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WANT THAT HE DOES DRUGS. BUT I GOT TEL YOU IM PROUD OF HIM THAT HE ACTUALLY WORKS NOW BUT NOT PROUD OF HIM FOR DOING DRUGS STIL AND IM PROUD THAT HE IS TRYING TO GET TO COLLEGE.
I HATE THAT SOME PEOLE HAVE THE SMARTEST BRAINS AND THEY DONT EVEN USE IT I WANT THAT GIVE IT TO ME YOU KNOW I WANT IT HOW COME YOU HAVE IT AND I DONT BECAUSE I SURE WANT TO USE THAT BRAIN OF YOURS. ITS NOT FAIR HOE \W SOME PEOPLE SOO SMART BUT THEY DONT CHOOSE TO BE A GOOD PERSON BUT WHEN SOME PEOLE WHO IS WISHED THEY HAVE THAT KIND OF BRAIN THEY DONT GET IT. HATE IT TOO. HATE THAT PEOPLE SAY ONE THING TO YOU AND DO IT OTHER. I HATE GUYS WHO IS SOOO FAKE AND GIRLS TO. I CANT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE JUDGE YOU BY ONE THING YOU MAKE MISTAKE AND NOW THEY ALWAYS THING YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN. I WANT TO GO HAVE FUN BUT I HATE THAT I DONT DRIVE I HATE THAT I CANT TO A LOT THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN. HATE IT. WISHED I HAVE TIME MACHINE I WOULD ALWAYS WOULD GO BACK TO MY GOOD DAY AND JUST STAY IN THAT MOMEMT UNTIL IM HAPPY AGAIN.
I HATE CHANGE EVERYBODY CHANGE AND I HATE IT. JUST AS FOR TODAY I DO HATE A LOT AND I DO MISS ALOT AND I DO WANT GOOD LIFE AND SUCCEESSFUL LIFE.

GOD PLEASE HELP ME TO HAVE A BETTER WEEK TODAY AND PLEASE I WILL FIND ME A GOOD SCHOOL TO FINISHED ANDI WILL FIND SOME BODY NICE IN MY LIFE AND WISH THAT MY BRO WILL DO GOOD JOB IM WANT TO MY FAMILY TO BE HAPPY ITS ALWAYS TO NICE SEEING THEM SMILE. I WANT TO HAVE BETTER LIFE AND I WANT TO MEET SOMEBODY THAT WILL UNDERSTAND ME.